I knew it was going to be a thrill a minute the moment we got up to the admission booth. Some bloke was throwing a hissy fit with his friends. "I'm not saying it doesn't look like fun, I'm just saying it doesn't look like 30 dollars worth of fun to me. Isn't there a coffee shop close by..." I can just go sit and be emo at... wah wah. We passed by the party pooper and went in. For those of you who don't know about the Capilano Bridge, who the hay do you think you are? It was featured in an episode of MacGuyver for god's sake! Wiki that shit stat and then come back with your newly educated noggin to read the rest of this post.
It seemed like any normal forest until I saw it. Three feet away in a warming hut was the most incredible thing I had ever seen. This was a creature who finally could compete with the size of my Bettie Davis eyes.
Let's see you write about my eyes widening now Mr. Star Tibune Man. Speaking of play review articles, I've gotta do a quick commercial plug here. Starting March 3rd, the day after I get back into town, the play I'm in Radium Girls opens for friends and family. It runs March 5th, 6th, 12th, 13th, 18th, 19th, and 20th at Stage III starting 7:30 PM sharp every evening with a 2PM matinee on the 14th. I'll end this plug by gushing about how much I'm missing rehearsal and how I love everyone involved... especially if they read my blog. Phew, okay onward!
After my 'whoot' of a photo op, we decided to continue on. We hiked up and down through trees; wet suspended bridge after another. It was however somewhere between the Tree Top Bridge and the CLiffhanger Lookout point that tragedy struck. As my faithful readers know, Apolo Ohno has been a strong theme throughout my blog. In an attempt to keep warm in this forest of rain, Elijah and I had decided to do the Olympic training stair workout the US speed skate team does to prepare themselves. www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdKiY92WE40 It was on our attempt to jump the soggy wooden stairs two at a time that my cell phone flew out of my pocket between the cracks of the stairs and onto the mossy forest floor below. So I did the only logical thing. I threw myself over the baricade and army crawled it through this forest mulch to retrieve my most precious possession.
Success! After free climbing my way back onto the platform, we decided it was time to head back. Back at the main entrance I noticed we were surrounded by Asians. I spent 10 minutes and $1.50 in international text messages asking my friend Colter how to say Hello in Japanese only to abandon this venture when a group of Korean Olympic coaches walked by. You know that saying keep your friends close and your enemies closer? Well this ones for you Ohno...
This one thought I agreed to marry him, and I guess they think Thanksgiving was an open invitation which should be interesting seeing as how my father knows more racist terms than Walt in Gran Torino.
Once I was able to peel the crazy asian off me (who btw kept insisting he was some sort of movie star), we headed home. Our cabbie who was... drum rollllll.... INDIAN! (I really wish there was the variety of cabbie ethnicities here as there were in Chicago) started bashing on the US hockey team like the sore loser that every Canadian here seems to be. After a full tirade on how any goal we made was some how undeserved, he asked where we were from. Talk about an awkward silence. I wish I would have savored that quiet longer than I had. Little did I know what was to come.
I went to lay down for a nap and Abigail being the saint that she is volunteered to cook porkchops for dinner. I was just about asleep, contemplating the way I'm going to get on the news, when the smoke alarm goes off. Not a big deal right? Just take out the batteries of the smoke alarm like every other American. The only problem is we're in Canada. Apparently when the smoke alarm goes off another louder alarm goes off outside that alerts the entire neighborhood to your impending death by grease fire. Unfortunately there were no batteries to rip out of this alarm. A neighbor lady had to come over and tell us a code to put in so the alarm would stop, the police would not come, and the British Columbian province could resume its normal life. All tragedy averted, we plan on going to the Aquarium tomorrow where there are whales. If you've been keeping up on your CSPAN, you'll know that whales kill, they kill while in captivity. I've been whittling a harpoon all evening hoping I can fit it in the taxi. Blubber anyone?
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