Canada - Day 2

As you can tell by the fact I'm posting this beginning of Day 3, yesterday was exhausting. It started out with a 6 AM cab ride to the pickup up zone (they don't allow cars up the mountain during the games, so you have to be shuttled up in charter buses). Our cabbie was Inidan who started out by asking us where we were from. When we said Wyoming, his immediate reply was 'That place is crazy! The weather changes every five minutes and the wind blows harder than Shiva' (okay so I added the Shiva part in). To which point I replied 'Oh, so you've heard of us.' The rest of the ride was quite pleasant with witty banter that included Elijah asking if there were speed limits in Canada. He said of course there were but he didn't obey them. A quick glance at the speedometer reading 80 mph (we were in a 30) and I knew this was a man after my own heart. If only he didn't have that silly accent and three wives back in Inida, I feel like we could've had a beautiful thing.

We said farewell to Speedy Gonzales and got on our bus. The sun was just beginning to peak its sleepy head over the horizon when we started the mountian ascent. I was trying my hardest to keep my eyes open for the sunrise, but a little girl three seats over began talking about a McDonalds on top of a building. Before I could say special sauce, McDoubles were dancing their way through my head.

I was just about to bite into one of those forbidden morsels when the driver slammed on his brakes and announced we had arrived only to be faced with this...

This was only the beginning... I must say though my ass and thighs are going to be AMAZING when I get back thanks to this little nightmare. My only question while walking up these was "Does anyone have a slinky?"

We were some of the first spectators to arrive in the stands. Not only were we given our own greeting from Uncle E (only the coolest soul patch sportin' Olympic annoncer ever on Cypress Hill), we also witnessed him insulting the entire nation of Denmark by confusing their flag with Sweden then Norway, then Scandinavia, etc... It was probably on the 18th guess that we decided to go grab something to eat. Let me tell you Canadian catering's version of jumbo cookie and my version are grossly different. The cookie I was handed fit in one hand. When I think Jumbo, I think Uncle Buck when he has to flip pancakes with a snow shovel they're so massive. I would have been more upset over this had I not had to face Mt. Kiliminjaro on the journey back to our seats.

The first half of the qualifying rounds involved me rubbing out shin splints and facebooking. Ski cross I'm sure is a very demanding sport, what with all the Aztec jumps and toilet bowl turns, but when competitors are just going down single it's kind of like watching your geriatric grandmother try to put on lipstick (captivating at first, and then just old). The semi finals were what I had been waiting for. This is when they send four competitors doen the course at the same time. OMG it made me giddy. The number of wrecks and passes made me feel like I had finally made it to the Kentucky Derby. After the second helmet cam recap of a skier flipping head over feet into the surrounding forest, I admitted this was a sport.

Canada proved to be fiercer than the rest when they skied to a gold medal victory. I'll skip past telling you about how by this time I was soaked from head to toe from sitting in newly fallen snow and how our bus ride was one of the mosts humid experiences of my life. Heck I'll just skip past dinner, a lunatic on the bus with a passion for the public school system and an extreme distaste for "stupid, class skipping, mother f***ing, c**ts," crazy Canadian Hockey, a girl at the mall daycare telling me I couldn't crawl out of a giant Tucan's mouth "because people would die;" and just show you that this was where we stood at the end of the day...

Well I'm sorry to leave you now, but I've got another day of adventure to have. I can't decide whether today is going to be spent at a rainforest or tracking down some of these winners (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YWummirkRS8). If you guys have any suggestions for my advetures while I'm here, be sure and let me know. Make it interesting!

Oh! One quick thing I forgot to mention I learned yesterday about Mr. Ohno. Not only can he dance like Patrick Swayze, but the Korean's f-ing hate him for winning Gold at a past Olympic! I must admit though, these people know how to capitalize. They've turned their hatred for Apolo into a business venture. They've marketed punching bags and toilet paper with his face on it... creative little basterds.

Alright, it's off to a bridge suspended hundreds of feet off the ground in a canopy of green. Cross your fingers I don't create an internationl incident!